I came here to write this because I know no one I know reads this. This gives me the freedom to bitch about anything and about things I'd rather them not know. Okay in all fairness caitlin might read this but I doubt it. That is not the point of this though, the point is I need to write and get these feelings out of me before I snap. Good I feel like crying... i feel so lost and ashamed. I can't be me and yet I can't even please the people I pretend for either. I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I can't pretend much longer the truth is breaking through the cracks and destroying my made up reality and I can't be who I am either because it'll do no good. It's too late to even try or so it seems. Right now I'm hoping for an out, one that can save me from this mess I've created trying to please everyone else but me.
Manipulation and control! What the fuck it's always so nice to find out what your friends want from you and what they really think about you. That you're the crazy girl who's too stubbron to move on or can't because she's just making excuses. That by some flawed system their life is better than yours and they can do no wrong! All because they've moved out and "experienced" life because of it, making you the little sister of sorts who knows nothing of the world and is too immature to. What the fuck is wrong with this? Everything especially when it's your friend from preschool telling you these things. It makes me feel oh so fucking good about myself. News flash mrs. friend did you ever stop to think I don't tell you everything about me because i dont trust you that much to let you past my walls? I know harsh but true...it's just not how our realationship works and i'm content with that because I've got a friend who I can talk to. Yah I know this is a scattered blog but once again no one is reading this so there! I don't want fucking pity! This isn't helping I'm too pissed to even write.
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